I had my 6 week check-up with the OB that performed my c-section today. She told me that I will almost certainly have to have a c-section for any future pregnancies, although of course I can try for a natural delivery. But she doesn’t think it’s likely to work. She said that because of how big James’s head was and how narrow my pelvic bones are it probably won’t work.
Obviously I’m pretty bummed about this. I plan to try to deliver naturally next time, but I’m still disappointed for now. I feel like my body is supposed to be able to do this, but for some reason it can’t. Like I’m defective or something. I know that’s silly, and I would tell anyone else going through this that of course that’s not the case. But it doesn’t change how I feel.
On top of that, I feel like if my hip bones are so narrow, I should be narrower…thinner. I know that especially is ridiculous; that one has nothing to do with the other. But because I’m already feeling little down about how I look (although I know it’s temporary) this has just added to that.
Ugh. I just wish things had gone the way I had planned. I never realized how important doing this the natural way was to me. And now I might never be able to.
I know that this might never be an issue. Maybe my next baby will have a smaller head and I’ll get the delivery I want, and all this worry will have been for nothing. I also know that I’m lucky. Ryan and I can have more kids, and James is healthy and perfect. But for now I’m upset and wishing things were different.
So yah, those are my thoughts so far.