My job, revisited
Mar 28th
I told my boss at my performance appraisal last Friday that I’m not as invested in my job as I used to be, and that I don’t view my current job as a long-term thing. That because there is no where for me to move in the organization, that I would be looking for something else eventually. And I apologized for the fact that I know that those things have negatively affected my productivity in the past year. I take pride in having a strong work ethic, and it hasn’t been showing as much lately.
That conversation was really really difficult for me to have, but I feel so much better knowing that it is all out there. My boss is relatively happy because now he knows what my deal is (he had noticed that something was off). I have taken some steps to increase my productivity, and I feel better about being at work in general because I am not worried about what I’m going to tell my boss if/when something else comes up. Obviously he wants to know if I am seriously job hunting, but since I’m not currently it’s not an issue.
It is nice to work somewhere with this kind of culture; where I’m not afraid for my job by telling my boss that I don’t want to be there forever, and where he wants to work with me to figure things out. I feel like I’m in a much better place about all of this than I was a couple weeks ago.
All of that being said, one of the main things I have done is made a rule for myself that I cannot read blogs while I am at work; not even my own. During lunch, if I’m not working out, but otherwise nothing. It is too easy to get sucked in and waste too many minutes that I should be doing other stuff. This means that my Google reader consistently has upwards of 50 unread items in it, and as you can see, our blog hasn’t been updated in a while. I will try to take some time in the evenings to update it, but until James starts sleeping better that’s not a promise.
I know some people don’t like performance appraisals; my aunt Marcia just did a blog post about how much she dislikes them. But for me it is a chance for my boss to tell me the things I’m doing well and the things that I could improve. I sometimes *think* that I know the two, but I’m never sure. Especially when it comes to someone else’s perception. Plus, they usually involve a raise, and that’s always good news. ;-)
Pondering
Mar 11th
It is Friday again. I love Fridays; I get to wear jeans to work, I have the weekend to look forward to, things are usually quiet at work. But it frightens me how quickly they come up. It seems like time is flying by, even if the individual days drag.
I have been thinking a lot lately about how I want to change some of the circumstances of my life. For the most part, I have a pretty awesome life. A good husband and beautiful son (even if he’s a little shit once in a while); a place to live, with friends nearby; a great family (on my side and my husband’s side). But I am dissatisfied with my day-to-day work. Some days are better than others. Some days I think it’s no big deal; that I could go on doing this job until something better lands in my lap. Today is one of those days. Other days I feel like if I don’t get out of here right now I’m going to scream, and it’s hard for me to keep motivated and doing my job. I find myself daydreaming about what I want to do, when I should be working. I’ve gotten a better handle on that recently, but it still happens at times, and I don’t like it. I’ve always prided myself on having a good work ethic, and I hate the idea that I’m not doing my best. But I don’t know that I can mentally give my best here all the time anymore. On bad days my coworkers annoy me, my bosses seem like they aren’t satisfied with anything I do (even if I do my best), and I wonder how feasible it would be for me to just quit. Let me tell you; it’s not feasible. I cannot quit my job (even though about half of my paycheck goes to pay for daycare). At least not at this point.
I have been talking a lot to my family about changing careers; what I might be good at, and where my strengths lie. One thing is very clear to me; even if I stay at my current workplace, I will never move forward from where I am. The next step “up” is a sales position, and I am NOT GOOD at sales (I don’t enjoy doing sales either). So this is a dead end for me. It definitely plays into how I feel about my job in general.
Some of the suggested jobs that I have heard involve working with women and babies in some way (doula or lactaction consultant, for instance); teacher/instructor of some sort; advocate for those less fortunate; or working in some sort of non-profit in another facility. All of these appeal to me in some ways. Some are more feasible than others. Marie Green was willing to email me with some information about being a doula, and it became clear pretty quickly that while that would be an awesome job it would be very difficult/impossible for it to be my only job. And being a lactation consultant in this area would require a nursing degree as well (in order to make it a full-time job). I have thought about working in the non-profit sector. I worry occasionally that it would affect me too much. I tend to absorb the emotions of the people around me, and if I was surrounded by people who are downtrodden most of the day I think that would carry over for me into the rest of my life. But maybe it wouldn’t. It is possible that I might find joy in knowing that I was helping them. I don’t know. But there are a lot of ways I could work with non-profits that don’t involve having “customer” contact daily. I actually work with several non-profits in my current job, which has been nice for getting to know them.
I just saw this on Ask Carolyn [Hax] on the Washington Post, and it is, I think, what I am most worried about with this whole thing:
I have to get going, and want to post something, so I’m leaving this for now. I’ll revisit it later.
Birthday up north
Mar 6th
We are driving home right now. The weather people had been predicting 2-4″ of snow, with flurries off & on. As you can see from the photo, this is not a flurry. The roads aren’t terrible, but they sure aren’t good.
The other photos are from the small birthday celebration we had this morning for James. Fruit cocktail upside down cake (Yum!) and a farm toy and animals. He later got a super-cute barn that my grandparents made to hold the animals and stuff. I love it, and I think he will too.
I have pictures from the snowmobile races we went up to see on the camera, and will add them later.
Has anyone invented a teleporting machine yet so we can shorten this drive?
For Serious
Feb 27th
I meant to type a real entry, but our baby is feeling pretty rough (teeth coming in, busy weekend, etc), and so instead I need to go comfort him. I’m sure you understand.
Goals update
Feb 14th
Here’s an update on my progress toward my goals for the year:
-I filled out most of James’s baby book, although I still need to print photos for it, and there are a few things I need to ask Ryan/search my facebook history to figure out.
-I tried brussel sprouts at the very beginning of February, which was my “January” new ingredient. This weekend, we used green enchilada sauce to make chicken tacos, which was technically a new ingredient for me, so I’m counting it for this month. PS. those tacos were SO easy, and extremely delicious.
-I may not be cooking personally 2 times per week, but we have definitely cut down on our eating out in the past few weeks, which is the ultimate goal anyway. And we are eating better meals at home. Pasta with lots of extra veggies in the sauce, salad with every dinner, fresh fruit for snacks. Don’t get me wrong; we still definitely have some bad eating habits, but things are improving, and that’s good.
-I have started the process of organizing a camping trip with my parents/siblings and their families for this June. I’m so excited about this! I hope everyone can make it!
-I tried out a new restaurant; the Duluth Grill (featured on Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives!). The food was good, and the service was terrific!
-James has started taking steps. He gets braver and braver each day in that regard. It is so cute to watch him. I’ll put him down a couple feet away from me and hold my arms out, and he stumbles over to me, falling into my arms at the end, and squealing. I love that kid.
-It’s not a “class,” but the open swimming Serina and I are taking the boys to is listed in the Community Education brochure, so I’m counting it. It’s something that is helpful to me (and to James), and it gets me out of the house once a week for something other than going to a store, which is good.
-Ryan and I went through our clothes and have 2 garbage bags full of stuff to give to Goodwill. Now it just needs to make it from our trunk to the Goodwill drop-off box.
I feel pretty good about my progress so far. How are you doing on your goals?
Random thoughts
Feb 11th
I thought this was really interesting.
Group think has always intrigued me. I was a good kid in school; never really got into trouble, but I’ve still experienced this to a point. You get with a group of people and you do things you would never have done alone. In some cases it can be good (exercising comes to mind), but in many cases it is disasterous. I am certain that without it there would not have been the historic changes that have taken place in Egypt.
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Also, I found this blog today: The Feminist Breeder, and this post in particular, about her 2nd son’s birth (a VBAC). Every time I read about this kind of thing it gets me worked up. I have so many thoughts about childbirth and breastfeeding, and I love reading people’s stories. I wish I knew what to do with all of that emotion and energy for those topics. Some times I think I should go into some kind of line of work that involves that stuff, but I don’t want to be a nurse or doctor. I’m not sure what I want to do.
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Speaking of, I recently took the Strengthsfinder 2.0 quiz, on recommendation of my aunt Marcia. My strengths are Harmony, Includer, Consistency, Context & Restorative. Basically, I want everyone to be treated equally, I’m very sensitive to people being left out of groups, and I like to have everyone at peace. There are some other things, but those types of statements were repeated over and over, and they are very true. I’m a people pleaser, and I have always been EXTREMELY sensitive to things being fair. Note I did not say equitable; I said fair. They are different. Now to figure out what to do with that information.
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The Bulldogs are playing hockey against St Cloud State tonight, and they are not doing well at all. The beginning of the game started off alright, with both teams scoring a couple goals, but it’s now 7-2 in favor of St. Cloud. Pull it together, ‘Dogs!
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That’s about it. I’m very glad it’s Friday and that we have a weekend with no specific plans.
Blogshare 2011
Feb 10th
The following post was written by someone else for Blog Share. You can read my post, along with all the others, by following the links from this page, as well as the entry on her blog here. I like this idea; it gives us all a chance to say things we wouldn’t say otherwise.
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There are certain people I just can’t stand, no matter how much I try.
My brother-in-law is not a bad guy, but I just don’t like him. We don’t have anything in common, and we have completely different senses of humor. He does things like try to massage my shoulders, and it gives me the heebie jeebies. He is an ok dad, though I think two of his kids are functionally illiterate, despite being in junior high and hgih school, respectively. He is also a stepdad, and he used to be excessively mean to his stepson. Now I think he just ignores the stepkid. When he talks to me, I try to be civil and pleasant, but I can barely prevent myself from rolling my eyes, at best, or openly mocking him, at worst.
My sister is really nice to her friends, but I think she is extremely unpleasant to my family and to me. My dad grilled us hamburgers a few holidays ago, and my sister thought hers was too pink. Instead of just putting it in the microwave, she told us all how disgusting the hamburger was and how she could never eat something so pink and how unfair it was that she got the too-raw hamburger. Last time I saw her, she was telling me a story, and I was listening normally. She interrupted herself to yell, “Why are you always making that face at me?! God!” It was just my normal face; I’m not sure what the problem was. I gave her a t-shirt from my college for Christmas a few years ago when I was still in school, and my sister told me that it was an awful present. So I took it back and kept it for myself. I still have it. I would also like to note that she has given me a number of t-shirts from schools she has attended over the years, and I have always accepted them graciously. My husband pointed out that most people tell stories to entertain or inform, but my sister tells stories to point out how much better she is than everyone else. It is to the point where I don’t answer her phone calls and avoid her as much as I can at family holidays.
My mother-in-law has always been nice to me. But she drives me crazy! I think the main problem is that she thinks she should be as involved in my life as she is in her own daughters’ lives, while I think she is over-involved in her daughters’ lives and would never want her to be that involved in mine. She really wanted to be at the hospital when I gave birth. I told her I did not want her at the hospital period, but that she could visit us a week after we brought the baby home. She showed up at our house the day we got home from the hospital. The same day I had the baby, she asked my husband to send her a birth announcement she could send to the local paper. My husband told her that we needed a few days because we were kind of busy. So she wrote her own birth announcement and sent it in to the paper, listing all her family members as relatives of the baby but accidentally leaving off members of my family. When it appeared in the paper and my husband called her to tell her that we were pissed off, my mother-in-law denied sending the announcement to the paper. She claimed someone else must have done it. Even though she and my father-in-law are the only relatives who live in that town. Again, I try to be civil with my mother-in-law, but we don’t have anything in common, and I just struggle to carry on conversations with her.
I do honestly try to be nice, but I think it is obvious when I am with these people that I don’t like them. There are plenty of worse people I deal with who I don’t have problems treating civilly. I am not sure why I can’t just pretend with these people for the short periods of time I spend with them. Do you have any people in your life like this?
Swimming: Day One
Feb 9th
Well, we took the boys swimming, and it went about as I expected. It took forever to get ready and get down there; about an hour from when we said we were going to start getting the boys ready to when we actually got into the pool. It takes a lot of time to get 2 little boys and their mommies ready to go swimming. Of course, a good amount of the time was spent putting the darn car seats in the truck. Those suckers are tough to put in there on your own. Especially when it’s like -10 degrees outside. Brr.
Odin and Serina got in the pool first, but some kids were splashing right by them, and he got a little scared. They got out and sat on the side of the pool, and Serina talked to Odin about the pool and the water. James and I got in after them, and he was definitely clinging to me, but we were able to stay in the water, and he was keeping a close eye on all the kids playing (there were several that were playing right by us, and one girl in particular who was very interested in the boys and what they were doing. We just sat in our little corner of the pool, watching the other kids. It was good, and about as much as I could expect for the first day. And James didn’t lick the floor in the locker room (he just tried to eat the locks on the lockers).
We plan on going again next week, and I’m sure that we’ll get the process down so that it doesn’t take us quite so long. Maybe one day it’ll only take us 45 minutes!
This should be interesting!
Feb 7th
Last weekend, we were having dinner with our neighbors/friends, and the wife of the couple (Serina) asked me if I would be interested in taking James to a community pool with her and her son, Odin. Odin is about 6 months older than James. I have been wanting to get James into swimming lessons as soon as possible, but there aren’t many places around here that do lessons for kids who are that young. So this seems like a good option instead.
Ryan and I think that it is important for kids to know how to swim. Obviously James is a little young to actually learn to swim, but it’ll be good to get him used to the water. And it will be an excuse for me to get out of the house and do something at least somewhat active. Plus, I spent a LOT of money on a swimming suit before our cruise, and this will mean I get more use out of it.
I’m trying not to have too high of hopes about how things will go. It’s possible that we’ll get in the water and he will hate it, and we’ll have to get out right away again. And I’m sure getting cleaned up afterward won’t be the most fun I’ve ever had. But, as with most things, I plan on doing a bunch of research online to see what I should expect/what I can do to make it easier for both of us. Plus, even if he hates it, it’s only a couple bucks, and we can try again next week. It’ll be nice to have Serina and Odin there with us so that it’s not so daunting. We’ve already discussed how we can tag team the kids to get them ready/get the cars started and warmed up.
Any suggestions?
I could have told you that.
Feb 4th
Someone on Facebook linked to this article from the Farmers Almanac today, about the 5 coldest US cities. As I read the article, along with being shocked that no cities from Alaska were listed (maybe it’s being near the ocean?), I was laughing. This is why. The line is directions from Grand Forks to Hibbing, passing through Baudette & International Falls. I left Fargo out because it’s basically a straight shot south of Grand Forks. And I forgot.
It's a long drive for me to get home. In case you were wondering.
I tell people that I’m from Northern Minnesota, but I don’t think they really get it. Even to most Minnesotans, the state ends at about Duluth. They don’t think there’s much North of that other than Canada. But, as you can see, there is. It’s about a 3 hour drive from here to Canada. And it is DEFINITELY cold. Thanks, Farmers Almanac, for pointing that out.
