work
Is this thing still on?
Nov 7th
Man, I am a slacker. Here I drop a bombshell of sorts, and then I up and disappear. I don’t blame you if you all left. Although if you are like me this will show up in your RSS feed reader or whatever, so even if it had been 6 months instead of only 1.5 it would still be there for you to see as I eventually make my way back.
I got another job. A better job, by far, for me. Especially at this point in my life. I work for a promotional products company, and the atmosphere is relaxed and the people are awesome and funny and friendly, and I think that I will be good at the job. I started in mid-October, so I’m still learning, but I think it’s going well.
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We’ve had a busy fall, and things are just getting going. We were in the cities the past 2 weekends, and we have to go down this weekend again for a family wedding on Ryan’s side. That’s a lot of traveling to the cities (or Rochester, in one case). James has spent a lot of time with his Auntie Lisa and Grandma and Grandpa on that side, that’s for sure. We are home the weekend after this coming one, and then it’s Thanksgiving, which is in Roseau this year. More driving.
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Halloween was fun this year, although our costumes were not as high caliber as years’ past. Ryan was some kind of crazy, murderous doctor, and I was one of those pictures where they eyes follow you around. Needless to say we didn’t win the costume contest. James was a cowboy for halloween. When you would tell him he was a cowboy he would say “Moooooo!” HAHAHA. That was fun. He was a little unsure of trick-or-treating, but by the end of the night he got the hang of it and enjoyed himself. It helped that we were with our friends/neighbors, and their son had done some trick or treating the weekend before with family, so he knew what was going on.
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What else is going on in my life? Hmm. Not much. I’m working, Ryan is working, James is going to daycare/staying with our friends during the week. It’s Ryan’s birthday this week, so we’ll go out for dinner for that. It’s kind of a laid-back year for birthdays for us. By necessity in part (since I was unemployed for a month and a half), but it’s good. It’s also going to be a small year for Christmas, but I am hoping to do some hand-made gifts (I love you, Pinterest), so that will be fun.
Know what sucks?
Sep 20th
Getting fired.
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(This section was written on the Friday of Labor Day weekend, the day it happened)
I was let go today, after 6 1/2 years with my company. 5 of those years I did great work. I was a HARD worker. I picked up on things quickly. I didn’t mess around, other than a little water cooler talk here and there. Then, I got pregnant, and had a baby. And from that point on, things were not the same. I still worked hard, but I spent more and more time doing non-work things during work hours. Mostly reading blogs or visiting facebook. If someone else had told me they were doing those things at their job I would have judged them as lazy. I would have said “You are going to get fired. You need to stop doing that.” And I would have assumed that if they didn’t stop that they were stupid. That they were arrogant to believe that it wasn’t a big deal. Probably I would have thought “They deserved it,” if I heard they got fired. And I would have been right. Kind of.
As you always find out when you are on the other side of something that is being judged, there is no such thing as a black and white world. Yes, a person who does personal business while being paid is doing something wrong. That part IS black and white. But I still don’t think of myself as lazy, despite what all of you might think. Improperly motivated, yes. Naive (maybe stupid) about thinking that I could do my job just as well while visiting the internet in between tasks as if I wasn’t? Definitely. But not lazy, and I also don’t think that I am bereft of morals about the workplace either. I know what hard work is. I would imagine that my family is almost as mortified as I am that they raised a daughter who was fired for something so…stupid. But there it is. The fact that when the issue was brought to my attention last spring and I fixed the workload part of it is beside the point, I guess. I no longer read blogs while I was at work, and I cut back on the other stuff too. My former employer focused in on the visiting non-work related sites by itself, and that is their prerogative.
So, where do I go from here? What kind of a job do I look for? Will I be able to even FIND a job, in this economy, with this black mark against me? I don’t know. I sure hope that I can find a job. In the interim one that pays the bills, but I’m hoping to use this opportunity to do something that I should have been more proactive about. I have known for quite a while that this job was not a permanent one for me. Now that I’m not there, I can honestly say that I had grown to hate my job. I have written about it here before. But I didn’t know what I wanted to do, and I let fear of choosing wrong/not getting the job I wanted stop me from pursuing something different.
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(Back to present day)
In the couple weeks since this happened, I have been staying home with James. It has been wonderful and frustrating and awesome and horrible, sometimes in quick succession. Today, for instance, we had a great time this morning down at the canal, watching boats come in and go out, and touring the museum. Then, he had a doctor’s appointment that went great (29lbs, 33 inches), and then we went home. And he wouldn’t nap. And he was being a terror. Finally I realized I should just put him in the car and go for a drive, because he’d probably pass out. So I did. He slept for maybe an hour. I read in the parking lot at the mall. When we got home he was mostly great. Until he hit me HARD in the face with a hard plastic toy. Intentionally, because I wasn’t looking at him when he wanted me to. That was probably the 4th time-out for today, and there was no prior warning on it. Some things do not require a warning, I think. But nothing makes me feel like a terrible mother like admitting that I gave my 19 month old 4 time-outs in one day. They aren’t long, but I am unsure what else I am supposed to do when he intentionally throws food or bites me/tries to bite me repeatedly.
Thankfully, days like today are not the norm. He is usually a really good kid. And so I can say wholeheartedly that I am glad to be spending this time with him at home while I look for another job and figure out what I want to do next.
Topics
Apr 26th
This was written a few days ago.
I’m sorry that I’ve been MIA on the blog for so long. Between the changes at work and life in general I haven’t had a lot of time to come back here, which makes me sad. Also, even though there are constantly things running through my mind during the day that I wonder or want to talk about, none of them are really enough for an entire blog entry. And then when I finally get a chance to sit down and write something, nothing comes to mind, and I end up wasting the time checking facebook or catching up on the 100+ items in my Google Reader instead of writing.
Things are going well at work. We launched a new company website this week, and I think it’s a pretty big improvement over the last one. One of the features on the new site is a blog, and I’ve asked to be involved with that. I think that will be a fun project. If you have any insurance questions/issues you have wondered about or want to discuss, please let me know! We’ll be constantly looking for ideas. I think sometimes we’ll tackle current events (how would an event like the nuclear reactor meltdown affect your business if you were in the evacuation zone, and would there be coverage?), and sometimes we’ll talk about insurance concepts in general (what is Professional Liability insurance, and do I need it?). My contributions will probably center around business insurance topics, and other people will write about personal insurance topics.
Other than that, things are going well. James is going through a phase where he thinks it’s fun to scream at things, and boy does he have some good lungs. We are working on getting him to use his inside voice, but I know it’s important for him to experiment with making different sounds, so we are also trying to let him do that some times. He also has started biting me occassionally again…I think his upper molars must be coming in (he’s been in a MOOD in the evenings lately). He’s still pretty adorable most of the time, though. This morning while Ryan was changing his diaper and getting him dressed he would make a noise to James, and James would repeat it back to him (rolling his tongue, making a “ba” or “tuh” sound, etc). One step closer to talking.
He runs all over the place now, and is very independent. Last night we went to Barnes & Noble, and he did not want to hold my hand or be held in the parking lot; he wanted to walk on his own (or swagger, I should say). Of course that’s not safe in the mall parking lot, so I carried him screaming into the building. But after that he had a lot of fun playing in the kids’ section with his friend Odin.
He also LOVES to read books. He will sit and look at a book from beginning to end and then back again over and over, and he will take a book and bring it to us and ask to sit in our lap so we can read it to him. He gets very angry if we can’t drop whatever we are doing to read, but we are working on patience. It’s hard when he doesn’t realize that the world doesn’t revolve around him (which is a developmental thing; he won’t realize that until about 18 months or so). His favorite books lately are The Big Red Barn, Bunny My Honey, and The Itsy Bitsy Spider (because I sing the song).
He is some kind of crazy dancing kid. He will sway back and forth or bounce up and down whenever he hears a good beat (last night he was sitting on the floor when James Durban was singing on American Idol, and he went crazy rocking back and forth to that drum beat).
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That’s about it for news around these parts. We went to Ryan’s parents’ place last weekend, and we plan on going to Roseau for Mothers Day weekend, as long as Ryan’s not on call. I hope not; I would love to get up there to visit soon!
My job, revisited
Mar 28th
I told my boss at my performance appraisal last Friday that I’m not as invested in my job as I used to be, and that I don’t view my current job as a long-term thing. That because there is no where for me to move in the organization, that I would be looking for something else eventually. And I apologized for the fact that I know that those things have negatively affected my productivity in the past year. I take pride in having a strong work ethic, and it hasn’t been showing as much lately.
That conversation was really really difficult for me to have, but I feel so much better knowing that it is all out there. My boss is relatively happy because now he knows what my deal is (he had noticed that something was off). I have taken some steps to increase my productivity, and I feel better about being at work in general because I am not worried about what I’m going to tell my boss if/when something else comes up. Obviously he wants to know if I am seriously job hunting, but since I’m not currently it’s not an issue.
It is nice to work somewhere with this kind of culture; where I’m not afraid for my job by telling my boss that I don’t want to be there forever, and where he wants to work with me to figure things out. I feel like I’m in a much better place about all of this than I was a couple weeks ago.
All of that being said, one of the main things I have done is made a rule for myself that I cannot read blogs while I am at work; not even my own. During lunch, if I’m not working out, but otherwise nothing. It is too easy to get sucked in and waste too many minutes that I should be doing other stuff. This means that my Google reader consistently has upwards of 50 unread items in it, and as you can see, our blog hasn’t been updated in a while. I will try to take some time in the evenings to update it, but until James starts sleeping better that’s not a promise.
I know some people don’t like performance appraisals; my aunt Marcia just did a blog post about how much she dislikes them. But for me it is a chance for my boss to tell me the things I’m doing well and the things that I could improve. I sometimes *think* that I know the two, but I’m never sure. Especially when it comes to someone else’s perception. Plus, they usually involve a raise, and that’s always good news. ;-)
Pondering
Mar 11th
It is Friday again. I love Fridays; I get to wear jeans to work, I have the weekend to look forward to, things are usually quiet at work. But it frightens me how quickly they come up. It seems like time is flying by, even if the individual days drag.
I have been thinking a lot lately about how I want to change some of the circumstances of my life. For the most part, I have a pretty awesome life. A good husband and beautiful son (even if he’s a little shit once in a while); a place to live, with friends nearby; a great family (on my side and my husband’s side). But I am dissatisfied with my day-to-day work. Some days are better than others. Some days I think it’s no big deal; that I could go on doing this job until something better lands in my lap. Today is one of those days. Other days I feel like if I don’t get out of here right now I’m going to scream, and it’s hard for me to keep motivated and doing my job. I find myself daydreaming about what I want to do, when I should be working. I’ve gotten a better handle on that recently, but it still happens at times, and I don’t like it. I’ve always prided myself on having a good work ethic, and I hate the idea that I’m not doing my best. But I don’t know that I can mentally give my best here all the time anymore. On bad days my coworkers annoy me, my bosses seem like they aren’t satisfied with anything I do (even if I do my best), and I wonder how feasible it would be for me to just quit. Let me tell you; it’s not feasible. I cannot quit my job (even though about half of my paycheck goes to pay for daycare). At least not at this point.
I have been talking a lot to my family about changing careers; what I might be good at, and where my strengths lie. One thing is very clear to me; even if I stay at my current workplace, I will never move forward from where I am. The next step “up” is a sales position, and I am NOT GOOD at sales (I don’t enjoy doing sales either). So this is a dead end for me. It definitely plays into how I feel about my job in general.
Some of the suggested jobs that I have heard involve working with women and babies in some way (doula or lactaction consultant, for instance); teacher/instructor of some sort; advocate for those less fortunate; or working in some sort of non-profit in another facility. All of these appeal to me in some ways. Some are more feasible than others. Marie Green was willing to email me with some information about being a doula, and it became clear pretty quickly that while that would be an awesome job it would be very difficult/impossible for it to be my only job. And being a lactation consultant in this area would require a nursing degree as well (in order to make it a full-time job). I have thought about working in the non-profit sector. I worry occasionally that it would affect me too much. I tend to absorb the emotions of the people around me, and if I was surrounded by people who are downtrodden most of the day I think that would carry over for me into the rest of my life. But maybe it wouldn’t. It is possible that I might find joy in knowing that I was helping them. I don’t know. But there are a lot of ways I could work with non-profits that don’t involve having “customer” contact daily. I actually work with several non-profits in my current job, which has been nice for getting to know them.
I just saw this on Ask Carolyn [Hax] on the Washington Post, and it is, I think, what I am most worried about with this whole thing:
I have to get going, and want to post something, so I’m leaving this for now. I’ll revisit it later.
Some days it’s just not worth it
Jan 10th
Today is one of those days where I just should have stayed home. That is all I have to say about that.
Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
Oct 19th
I like my life for the most part, so have no real desire to switch places with anyone. But if it was just for a day, I think I would like to switch with someone who works for President Obama. I have thought occasionally about getting involved in local politics, but especially with a baby at home I don’t want to commit that kind of time, and I get so sick of political ads and the attitudes behind them. But I have a lot of respect for President Obama, and I would love to know what it’s like to work at the White House in general. I wouldn’t want any job that is too important (what if I screwed something up!?), but just to be some sort of aide or something would be awesome.
Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why
Oct 9th
I’m not great at creating SMART goals. I have a couple for this month, though:
1. Decide on and create Halloween costumes for Ryan and I for the themed party we are attending. The theme is fantasy (fairies, Lord of the Rings, Alice in Wonderland, dragons, etc). Any fabulous ideas out there? Could be a “couple” costume, or individual ones. I can do some minor sewing (I’ve made our costumes the past few years by hand sewing/iron on hemming things; now I have an actual sewing machine!).
2. Start thinking about Christmas presents, and what we want to do for/get people.
3. Figure out all the logistics of our vacation in November. Ryan’s work is sending us on a cruise to the Caribbean (there’s a conference on the cruise ship; it’s rough, I know!). We are VERY excited, but have never been on a cruise, and never been out of the country except to Canada, so we don’t really know what to expect. A lot of research will be involved. We have our plane tickets, and a hotel for the night before since we can’t fly into Miami early enough on the day it leaves. The cruise itself is booked. Beyond that, I have no idea!
Quote of the day:
Jul 21st
“Not all Democrats are evil. And not all Republicans are good guys.” -spoken during the legislative update portion of my continuing ed class today.
Thanks for exposing your bias. FYI not all insurance agents are Republicans.
Random
Jul 20th
Some random thoughts
A bunch of tall ships are coming to town at the end of this month. All summer I thought they were coming at the end of August, when we’ll be out of town for my sister’s wedding. As a friend pointed out, if I have to be wrong at least it’s something I WANT to be wrong about. Some friends who are moving back to MN right around that time are going to be coming up to see the ships, so we’ll get to see them too. Awesome!
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I just saw a headline in the local paper saying that they are going to have a hunting season for Sandhill Cranes this year. Um…ok. They are pretty birds to watch, but what do you do with them? Will this be just trophy hunting? Will people eat them? I’m not a fan of trophy hunting, but I can’t imagine that they would be good to eat. Maybe I’m wrong.
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Ryan and I have been dealing with some drama surrounding our daycare. Short version: a neighbor called the police because there was an “unattended child” outside the yard of our daycare. The daycare lady says the kid wasn’t out long and the parents didn’t think a report needed to be filed, but I think the police have to do one anyway. The county is investigating and might temporarily suspend her license while they do so. She doesn’t want to deal with that, so is going back to school to pursue a different career, and her last day will be Friday (that doesn’t make sense to me either). Also she’s taking today (Tuesday) as a personal day (apparently it couldn’t wait till next week). And we found all this out on Sunday afternoon while we were out of town. I took yesterday off to try to start the search for a new place (based on recommendations from people I know rather than just trying to guess this time), and Ryan has today off. I think we’ll start the new place tomorrow, even though technically we could probably bring him back to the old place. But who knows about this possible suspension (no one could tell us how likely it is to happen), and we just don’t want to deal with it any more. We think we’ve found a new place, and I really like the guys that run it. The only down side is that it’s about a 20 minute drive one-way. Usually going to work takes us about 7 minutes. I’m not looking forward to that. Ryan is calling a couple other places today to check them out because they were closer, but we are thinking we’ll go with the further away place. I keep telling him to win the lottery so that I don’t have to work, but so far that’s a no-go.
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Work has been crazy lately. We have had a lot of down-time with the computers or our management system and that’s created a backlog. I’m also struggling with whether or not to talk to my boss about how the person who is supposed to be assisting our department is really only assisting one person. I know I need to do it (it’ll be obvious when I bring him some stuff that should have been done a while ago), but I don’t like getting other people in trouble. On the other hand, he’s been saying for years that she should be providing more help for us, but the amount actually seems to be less every year. So yah…fun.
That’s all I’ve got.
:Edited to add:
I called our current daycare lady this afternoon because the places Ryan was trying to get ahold of hadn’t called him back yet, and we didn’t want to start a new place if we were going to switch right away. The daycare lady says, “OK. Is it ok if you pick him up a little early?” I’m thinking she means like 3:30 or 4. “Because I have an appointment at 1:30 and I need to leave by 1.” Oh.My.God. You are kidding, right? Ryan called a drop in center that was recommended to us, and we will be bringing James there until we figure something else out.
Also, I edited the first sentence of the first paragraph because it was very poorly worded.
