James
Know what sucks?
Sep 20th
Getting fired.
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(This section was written on the Friday of Labor Day weekend, the day it happened)
I was let go today, after 6 1/2 years with my company. 5 of those years I did great work. I was a HARD worker. I picked up on things quickly. I didn’t mess around, other than a little water cooler talk here and there. Then, I got pregnant, and had a baby. And from that point on, things were not the same. I still worked hard, but I spent more and more time doing non-work things during work hours. Mostly reading blogs or visiting facebook. If someone else had told me they were doing those things at their job I would have judged them as lazy. I would have said “You are going to get fired. You need to stop doing that.” And I would have assumed that if they didn’t stop that they were stupid. That they were arrogant to believe that it wasn’t a big deal. Probably I would have thought “They deserved it,” if I heard they got fired. And I would have been right. Kind of.
As you always find out when you are on the other side of something that is being judged, there is no such thing as a black and white world. Yes, a person who does personal business while being paid is doing something wrong. That part IS black and white. But I still don’t think of myself as lazy, despite what all of you might think. Improperly motivated, yes. Naive (maybe stupid) about thinking that I could do my job just as well while visiting the internet in between tasks as if I wasn’t? Definitely. But not lazy, and I also don’t think that I am bereft of morals about the workplace either. I know what hard work is. I would imagine that my family is almost as mortified as I am that they raised a daughter who was fired for something so…stupid. But there it is. The fact that when the issue was brought to my attention last spring and I fixed the workload part of it is beside the point, I guess. I no longer read blogs while I was at work, and I cut back on the other stuff too. My former employer focused in on the visiting non-work related sites by itself, and that is their prerogative.
So, where do I go from here? What kind of a job do I look for? Will I be able to even FIND a job, in this economy, with this black mark against me? I don’t know. I sure hope that I can find a job. In the interim one that pays the bills, but I’m hoping to use this opportunity to do something that I should have been more proactive about. I have known for quite a while that this job was not a permanent one for me. Now that I’m not there, I can honestly say that I had grown to hate my job. I have written about it here before. But I didn’t know what I wanted to do, and I let fear of choosing wrong/not getting the job I wanted stop me from pursuing something different.
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(Back to present day)
In the couple weeks since this happened, I have been staying home with James. It has been wonderful and frustrating and awesome and horrible, sometimes in quick succession. Today, for instance, we had a great time this morning down at the canal, watching boats come in and go out, and touring the museum. Then, he had a doctor’s appointment that went great (29lbs, 33 inches), and then we went home. And he wouldn’t nap. And he was being a terror. Finally I realized I should just put him in the car and go for a drive, because he’d probably pass out. So I did. He slept for maybe an hour. I read in the parking lot at the mall. When we got home he was mostly great. Until he hit me HARD in the face with a hard plastic toy. Intentionally, because I wasn’t looking at him when he wanted me to. That was probably the 4th time-out for today, and there was no prior warning on it. Some things do not require a warning, I think. But nothing makes me feel like a terrible mother like admitting that I gave my 19 month old 4 time-outs in one day. They aren’t long, but I am unsure what else I am supposed to do when he intentionally throws food or bites me/tries to bite me repeatedly.
Thankfully, days like today are not the norm. He is usually a really good kid. And so I can say wholeheartedly that I am glad to be spending this time with him at home while I look for another job and figure out what I want to do next.
Topics
Apr 26th
This was written a few days ago.
I’m sorry that I’ve been MIA on the blog for so long. Between the changes at work and life in general I haven’t had a lot of time to come back here, which makes me sad. Also, even though there are constantly things running through my mind during the day that I wonder or want to talk about, none of them are really enough for an entire blog entry. And then when I finally get a chance to sit down and write something, nothing comes to mind, and I end up wasting the time checking facebook or catching up on the 100+ items in my Google Reader instead of writing.
Things are going well at work. We launched a new company website this week, and I think it’s a pretty big improvement over the last one. One of the features on the new site is a blog, and I’ve asked to be involved with that. I think that will be a fun project. If you have any insurance questions/issues you have wondered about or want to discuss, please let me know! We’ll be constantly looking for ideas. I think sometimes we’ll tackle current events (how would an event like the nuclear reactor meltdown affect your business if you were in the evacuation zone, and would there be coverage?), and sometimes we’ll talk about insurance concepts in general (what is Professional Liability insurance, and do I need it?). My contributions will probably center around business insurance topics, and other people will write about personal insurance topics.
Other than that, things are going well. James is going through a phase where he thinks it’s fun to scream at things, and boy does he have some good lungs. We are working on getting him to use his inside voice, but I know it’s important for him to experiment with making different sounds, so we are also trying to let him do that some times. He also has started biting me occassionally again…I think his upper molars must be coming in (he’s been in a MOOD in the evenings lately). He’s still pretty adorable most of the time, though. This morning while Ryan was changing his diaper and getting him dressed he would make a noise to James, and James would repeat it back to him (rolling his tongue, making a “ba” or “tuh” sound, etc). One step closer to talking.
He runs all over the place now, and is very independent. Last night we went to Barnes & Noble, and he did not want to hold my hand or be held in the parking lot; he wanted to walk on his own (or swagger, I should say). Of course that’s not safe in the mall parking lot, so I carried him screaming into the building. But after that he had a lot of fun playing in the kids’ section with his friend Odin.
He also LOVES to read books. He will sit and look at a book from beginning to end and then back again over and over, and he will take a book and bring it to us and ask to sit in our lap so we can read it to him. He gets very angry if we can’t drop whatever we are doing to read, but we are working on patience. It’s hard when he doesn’t realize that the world doesn’t revolve around him (which is a developmental thing; he won’t realize that until about 18 months or so). His favorite books lately are The Big Red Barn, Bunny My Honey, and The Itsy Bitsy Spider (because I sing the song).
He is some kind of crazy dancing kid. He will sway back and forth or bounce up and down whenever he hears a good beat (last night he was sitting on the floor when James Durban was singing on American Idol, and he went crazy rocking back and forth to that drum beat).
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That’s about it for news around these parts. We went to Ryan’s parents’ place last weekend, and we plan on going to Roseau for Mothers Day weekend, as long as Ryan’s not on call. I hope not; I would love to get up there to visit soon!
Birthday up north
Mar 6th
We are driving home right now. The weather people had been predicting 2-4″ of snow, with flurries off & on. As you can see from the photo, this is not a flurry. The roads aren’t terrible, but they sure aren’t good.
The other photos are from the small birthday celebration we had this morning for James. Fruit cocktail upside down cake (Yum!) and a farm toy and animals. He later got a super-cute barn that my grandparents made to hold the animals and stuff. I love it, and I think he will too.
I have pictures from the snowmobile races we went up to see on the camera, and will add them later.
Has anyone invented a teleporting machine yet so we can shorten this drive?
For Serious
Feb 27th
I meant to type a real entry, but our baby is feeling pretty rough (teeth coming in, busy weekend, etc), and so instead I need to go comfort him. I’m sure you understand.
Swimming: Day One
Feb 9th
Well, we took the boys swimming, and it went about as I expected. It took forever to get ready and get down there; about an hour from when we said we were going to start getting the boys ready to when we actually got into the pool. It takes a lot of time to get 2 little boys and their mommies ready to go swimming. Of course, a good amount of the time was spent putting the darn car seats in the truck. Those suckers are tough to put in there on your own. Especially when it’s like -10 degrees outside. Brr.
Odin and Serina got in the pool first, but some kids were splashing right by them, and he got a little scared. They got out and sat on the side of the pool, and Serina talked to Odin about the pool and the water. James and I got in after them, and he was definitely clinging to me, but we were able to stay in the water, and he was keeping a close eye on all the kids playing (there were several that were playing right by us, and one girl in particular who was very interested in the boys and what they were doing. We just sat in our little corner of the pool, watching the other kids. It was good, and about as much as I could expect for the first day. And James didn’t lick the floor in the locker room (he just tried to eat the locks on the lockers).
We plan on going again next week, and I’m sure that we’ll get the process down so that it doesn’t take us quite so long. Maybe one day it’ll only take us 45 minutes!
This should be interesting!
Feb 7th
Last weekend, we were having dinner with our neighbors/friends, and the wife of the couple (Serina) asked me if I would be interested in taking James to a community pool with her and her son, Odin. Odin is about 6 months older than James. I have been wanting to get James into swimming lessons as soon as possible, but there aren’t many places around here that do lessons for kids who are that young. So this seems like a good option instead.
Ryan and I think that it is important for kids to know how to swim. Obviously James is a little young to actually learn to swim, but it’ll be good to get him used to the water. And it will be an excuse for me to get out of the house and do something at least somewhat active. Plus, I spent a LOT of money on a swimming suit before our cruise, and this will mean I get more use out of it.
I’m trying not to have too high of hopes about how things will go. It’s possible that we’ll get in the water and he will hate it, and we’ll have to get out right away again. And I’m sure getting cleaned up afterward won’t be the most fun I’ve ever had. But, as with most things, I plan on doing a bunch of research online to see what I should expect/what I can do to make it easier for both of us. Plus, even if he hates it, it’s only a couple bucks, and we can try again next week. It’ll be nice to have Serina and Odin there with us so that it’s not so daunting. We’ve already discussed how we can tag team the kids to get them ready/get the cars started and warmed up.
Any suggestions?
Plans
Jan 21st
Temerity Jane (Kelly) recently wrote about her plans for birth and post-birth treatment of her baby, and how she feels about the plans. Her “this would be nice, if it could happen this way,” (instead of a birth plan) is pretty laid back, but she is pretty set about how she wants her baby treated post-birth. As I read her entry emotions (and tears) were welling up inside of me.
When I was pregnant with James I had many of the same wants as Kelly. I had a more formal birth plan, but I went into it KNOWING that there are things that happen during labor that you can’t control, and trying to be open to going with the flow. But when it came to how I wanted James to be cared for after he was born, both Ryan and I were set. We didn’t want him to get the eye goop, we didn’t want the Hep B vaccine right away, we didn’t want him to have formula or a pacifier. I wanted to breast feed him right away, and spend time holding him before they took him to clean him off. We wanted him to stay with us in our room most of the time.
Even writing that out is making the tears well up. To say things didn’t go according to plan would be a big understatement. And it’s not that I had a bad hospital experience, even. I really liked my nurses; I had great access to lactation consultants, and because I had a c-section we were in the hospital longer than normal and so I could see them for a longer time-period.
But that c-section. That was the biggest thing that didn’t go my way. Even though at the time I was actually relieved when they suggested it, and even though I still think that’s what it had to come down to, I am disappointed. Disappointed in myself, because my body couldn’t do what it was supposed to; disappointed in myself for not doing enough to get the baby moving; disappointed in my doctor (who I like otherwise) for not allowing me to try pushing while using the squat bar when it was becoming apparent things weren’t working and Ryan asked about it (Because, she said, she would basically have to sit on the floor. Well, excuse me. I’m sorry that you might have to sit on the floor so that I don’t have to get my stomach cut open, have drugs pumped into me that I had so far gone without (by choice), and miss the first couple hours of my son’s life). As you can see, I’m still a little lot bitter. I was a good patient; I walked the halls, let them put an IV in my hand just in case, and tried everything the nurses suggested for laboring. The only thing I really balked at was when they wanted to hook up a pitocin drip (at the very end, as a last resort). I was so close, and I knew the reputation it had of making labor unbearably hard. I didn’t want it. But my mom helped convince me that it was my last shot at having the baby without surgery, and I still think she was right. It’s too bad it didn’t work out that way, but it was worth a shot. Oh, and they are right. That not only ramped up the frequency of my contractions (there wasn’t a break any more), it made them REALLY painful. Not that they didn’t hurt before, but this was crazy.
After James was born, they let Ryan cut the cord (as much as you can when he was born via surgery), and I got to see him before they took him upstairs and I was glued back up and put in the recovery room. But I had to stay in recovery until the anesthesia wore off, and it took longer than expected. When I finally got to see and hold James he was already an hour or two old, and I couldn’t sit up at all. I had planned on him staying in our room with us pretty much all the time, but since I couldn’t even get out of bed that first night and morning, they took him to the nursery and brought him back when he was hungry. When the nurses started to say he was losing too much weight I was worried. They suggested supplementing with formula after nursing and pumping (they had me pumping after nursing before I even left the hospital, and for a week or two after). Just a tiny bit, and from a little rubber cup instead of a bottle, but I still felt like a failure. One day when Ryan and I brought him to the nursery at bed time (they had convinced us it was better for us to get sleep when we could…we were so easily persuaded) the nurse asked if they could give him a pacifier. I said no right away, and she started to tell me that it was really for our benefit; that he was very oral and it would help so that I could get some sleep instead of having to nurse him all the time (the night before he had nursed for 2 hours straight at one point). I was already so worried about everything else that we had done or had to do that was going to make breastfeeding harder, and everything you read says that you shouldn’t give your baby a pacifier in the hospital if you want to breastfeed. I was also still exhausted from the surgery and the long labor. I started freaking out. Ryan calmed me, and told me that it wouldn’t be a big deal. We let them give him a pacifier. It ended up being ok, but I sometimes wonder if breastfeeding would have been easier for me at the beginning if I hadn’t done any one of these things. Many of them I didn’t have a choice about (the c-section, in particular – he was definitely stuck), but some I did. And some I still don’t know if I had a choice or not (the supplemental feeding).
In the end we had a healthy baby, even if he did lose “too much” weight at first. From what I read that is pretty normal for big babies; it takes more calories to sustain that higher weight, and so they tend to lose a little more of it, percentage-wise. But to listen to the nurses talk he was wasting away. I cried more about that than anything those first couple weeks, even though his diapers were always great and he was never jaundiced. He is still breastfeeding, and I eventually healed from the surgery. Everything “worked out.” Except my emotions about how it happened. And now, every time I hear about someone giving birth, whether it is the birth of their dreams or a nightmare, it brings all those feelings to the surface. And I wonder how things will go next time. The OB that did my surgery (not my regular doctor) says that I can “try” for a vaginal birth next time, but that I’ll probably have to have another c-section. My doctor said that I could try for a vaginal delivery, but that she couldn’t be there for it (she’s a family practitioner, and doesn’t have the insurance the hospital requires for that kind of a delivery), and she sounded pretty dubious as to whether or not it would work. I’m inclined to disagree with them. I know they are the medical professionals and I’m not, but I just don’t feel like that is the case. James was facing an awkward direction and wasn’t as far down in the birth canal as they would have liked to begin with. If those things don’t happen with my next one, I’m confident I can do this the “natural” way. It would also help if it didn’t take 3 days of labor to get to the pushing part.
I really truly hope that TJ’s birth and post-birth go as she wants. I think they SHOULD go as the mother (and father) want, within reason, obviously. I hope she has the courage to stand up to people who try to tell her things that she knows are just scare tactics. And above all of that, I hope she doesn’t have to worry about it. That things just go smoothly and that no one even tries to put those pressures on her. I think she’s right, in that many people worry about being taken seriously. We all feel like the doctors are the authority, and if they say something different from what we wanted it seems like they are basically saying we are wrong. But doctors are not infallible, no matter what they would like you to believe.
GROSS and Thank You
Jan 20th
I am so glad that Bones is back on, but that scene was just GROSS (where they get covered in flesh/bone fragments from the drain). A drain coming back up in your face is gross enough, without dead people parts in it.
I wanted to say thank you to everyone that commented on the entry yesterday. There were some good suggestions, and it’s always nice to hear that other people have been there (or are there currently). I was just telling a friend on Facebook that I think we actually have it pretty good for the most part. The nights, even though they could be improved, could definitely be worse, and I’m thankful for the sleep we do get. Last night was better, and it’s amazing how quickly it seems like not such a big deal when you get some more sleep. Not that I don’t want to change some of what’s happening. It’s just that it seems less of a HUGE problem, and more of an annoyance.
I have to go now, because my arms and hands are getting cold being out of the blanket. It is FREEZING here.
Sleep, and the lack thereof
Jan 18th
This is one of those touchy subjects about parenting. Everyone thinks their way of doing it is the right way, and that their way is the way that works the best. I’m telling you right now that I don’t want to hear it. I won’t tell you you are doing it wrong (unless you blatantly are), and you keep your negative thoughts to yourself as well, ok? Good, then. I’m going to talk about what we are doing.
Ryan and I have decided that we don’t want to let James cry it out. I know that some people do that, and I am aware that many times it is a “miracle cure” for getting a baby to go to sleep on their own, but we personally don’t feel right about it, and so we aren’t doing it. I am willing to talk about it if anyone wants to, but I am not going to change my mind, so you should know that up front.
That being said, we are trying to get him beyond the waking up multiple times per night. He usually goes to sleep anywhere from 7-8:30. Most often it is between 7:30 and 8, although tonight he first went down at about 6:30. He usually makes some noise but doesn’t wake fully around 9:30 or so, and then wakes up whenever we are going to bed. I haven’t decided if we are too loud in our preparations and that is what wakes him up, or if it just FEELS like he waits until I am under the covers to wake up. Either way, at that wake up session Ryan usually brings him to me in bed, and I nurse him there. If I stay awake long enough I will bring him back when he’s done nursing, but usually I fall asleep before that happens. He wakes up a couple to a few more times at night to nurse. Some of them I try to ignore him and pretend I’m sleeping in case he’s just making night noises, but usually that just escalates things from a whine to an actual cry. If we do get him back in his crib he seems to sleep for a longer period of time, but we do still have to get up with him. So far, it’s been not worth it; I would rather get more sleep by having him right with us. But, the older he gets the harder it is to continue doing this. This illustration from All D’s shows it pretty accurately. If we aren’t woken up by noise we are getting kicked or clawed in the ribs or face. So, we are trying to get back to James sleeping in his crib.
We have barely started the process, so there isn’t much to report so far. I read Elizabeth Pantley’s book, The No Cry Sleep Solution. It had some good suggestions, and fell in line with a lot of what we had talked about or thought already. I’m starting a sleep log tonight. It will be a nice one to compare later results to, because even though he went down at 6:30, he woke up at 9:30 and is still awake now, at 10:40. We tried nursing, rocking, pacifier, singing, a bottle of water (that did NOT work; it just made him more awake), and finally I just left him in the crib to play with his music/mobile (he can’t reach the mobile part, but the lower part has a light and plays music if you push the buttons). Ryan just went back in there to rock him again and see if he will go to sleep this time. He is SO tired, but he just doesn’t want to go down.
Of course, the book (and other things I have read) tell you right up front; this will not be a quick fix. It will take time, and at first it might get you less sleep than you had been getting, because you have to break those bad habits. So that’s fun. It all makes sense, and I want to do it. I just wish I could get more sleep now, instead of later.
Anyway, I will be keeping track of how things go (and how strictly we adhere to the plan), and I will update you in a week or two of our progress.
James used to sleep through the night, until he was about 6 months old. He got a stomach bug and had his 6 month checkup (and vaccines) and had a change in daycare and got 6 teeth all within a month or so, and ever since then he hasn’t been sleeping well. For a month and a half or so we hoped it was just teething or a growth spurt or something, but then it continued. It’s amazing how quickly time passes, and then you realize you’ve been living like this for 5 months. Now, he wakes up crying at night (and occasionally during the day). I hear that that is pretty normal, and that for a lot of babies it is a sign that they haven’t gotten enough rest, which would explain why he wakes that way during the middle of the night but is fine in the morning, and why it’s only some naps that are problems. That feels a lot better than what I thought, which was that he was in some kind of pain (he really hollers).
Anyway, if you would like to share, in a non-judgy way, what you did that helped your baby sleep better, I’m all ears. Unless it’s cry it out. I mean, I guess you could tell me about it, but we aren’t going to do it.
Products for new moms that saved my butt
Jan 10th
Now that James is almost a year old (ohmygodhowdidthathappen???), and a few of the bloggers I read are pregnant (Temerity Jane, Jess, Pseudostoops, Mihow, Charm City Kim, Amalah and now Jonniker…am I forgetting anyone???) I thought I might do a post about some of the things I had/got after he was born that have been totally invaluable to me. Besides, you know, a crib and sleepers. And giant underwear that didn’t sit on my c-section scar (what, you thought you would get through this post without me bringing up something gross/uncomfortable? HA!). PS. Victoria’s Secret, thank you for your free underwear, no purchase necessary coupons that you sent me in the mail shortly after my son was born. I love you.
- This bra for pumping. Seriously; best. invention. ever. Before I had that thing I would detest pumping so much. I was stuck, feeling like a cow (both weight-wise and because of the pumping), and sitting in the living room half naked (it was easier to just take my shirt off than to try to hold it out of the way). It sucked. I searched online and bought this thing, and it has been a life-saver. It makes pumping truly hands free, and is super-adjustable and comfortable and makes me feel at least mostly covered up. I still wouldn’t go pump in front of other people, but it has brought pumping up from something that I absolutely dread to something that is annoying but tolerable. If you are going to be pumping at work especially, you should get this bra. Seriously.
- The Boppy (and an extra slipcover so you have one while the other is being washed). I haven’t tried any of the other pillows like this, and when I first tried it I didn’t think I liked it, but it became my best friend. Especially helpful for holding baby while nursing when others are over; it hides your belly well.
- These nursing tanks from Target. The ”side sling” ones, not the “full sling” ones they sell in the store. I have a feeling it’s because of my big boobs, but the ones in the store don’t fit well. These are great for layering, and then your flabby post-baby belly isn’t hanging out for all to see if you are nursing in public.
- My Droid phone. I lost my cell phone last January, and Verizon was nice enough to let me upgrade early (my contract wasn’t up until September). I got the HTC Droid Eris, and thank goodness, because if it hadn’t been for that phone I wouldn’t have gotten back online until I started working again. I used it to check facebook, email people, and take pictures of my adorable baby. It was a life-saver. I didn’t have room on my lap for a computer, and I was pretty much planted in our lazy boy rocking chair. Also, I didn’t feel like going to the work of starting up a regular computer. It was all I could do to go to the bathroom and maybe shower or get myself something to eat most days.
- Our travel system (we got ours on clearance at Target). I know it’s not a fancy stroller for jogging or whatever, but it was so convenient to be able to put James in his car seat in the apartment and then just plop the whole thing in the stroller and go for a walk. We did a lot of walking early on in the summer, and we put many miles on the stroller and it is still is great shape. And now that he’s too big for the infant carrier and can sit up on his own he likes the stroller. He can see everything that is going on. I do wish we had a little umbrella stroller for when we go to places like Gooseberry (those hills/stairs are killer hauling this thing around), but if you are only going to have one stroller I would definitely argue that this is the way to go.
- The car seat cover we had for when he was an infant. Ours was kind of like this one, but without the zippers. It was great when James was a little baby because we didn’t have to put him in a big coat and stuff to bring him out. We just dressed him in normal winter layers and then threw the cover over him (and maybe a blanket in between, if it was really cold). It meant that he didn’t get overly warm when we went inside somewhere, because we just pulled the cover off.
- Also, I have to mention, these diapers have been AWESOME. They are so easy to use, and we haven’t had any problems finding daycares that will use them. The few times I’ve had to buy disposable diapers have made me so thankful we decided to go with cloth. It was a large initial investment, but it’s definitely paid off!
In reviewing this list, it looks like a lot of my favorite things were related to breastfeeding. That makes sense, because you do a LOT of it, and anything you can do to make it easier is appreciated. I also have a pump that I love. Actually, I have 2 of them because my aunt is awesome and sent me one that she had so that I have one for work and one for home; that was GREAT when I was trying to build up my supply before our cruise. I still use it sometimes, if I’m not able to get a 2nd pumping session in while I’m at work. My pump was covered by my health insurance. Or at least it would have been if I had already met my deductible for the year when I bought it. But it went towards the deductible, which is still helpful.
Some things that we “got” that weren’t actual “things” but were still invaluable: people who would come over and do our dishes (Ryan’s parents have done this more than once when they are up, and it makes me love them even more every time). Dishes pile up so quickly anyway, and when you are dealing with a new baby they are the last thing on your priority list (until you don’t have any clean ones). Our neighbors Chris & Serina and our friend Sam, who made or bought dinner for us when we were still figuring things out. People who emailed or commented on facebook to say they were thinking about us and asking how things were going. The internet is a great thing when you are going through something as wonderful but as hard as having a new baby around. There are tons and tons of other people who have gone through it recently or are going through it at the same time as you. Even if you don’t get anything in the way of advice from them, it’s nice to know you aren’t alone.
I think that’s about it. Of course we loved the little clothes and the toys, and the nightlight in James’s room has been invaluable to our shins, but these were the things that really stood out for me as something I didn’t know if we would like/use, but became very well-loved.
What are/were your favorite things from when you had a little one around?
